Humanity almost got wiped out this morning thanks to The Incredible Hulk who, up until about 30 minutes ago, was convinced that his mental health journey was more important than winning a war against genocidal aliens.

It’s been three months since Hulk started going to therapy for his anger, and while it may have done wonders for him personally– it’s been a nightmare for his teammates.

For weeks the Avengers have been battling an alien army hellbent on exterminating the human race. But instead of fighting alongside his homies, Hulk’s been preoccupied with doing all the mental health things: i.e., practicing Samatha meditation, volunteering for story time with underprivileged youth at the local library and binge-watching Love on the Spectrum.

Oh and the one time Hulk actually did show up to a fight? News cameras caught the Green Goliath in 4K not only turning the other cheek but spouting off all sorts of New Age platitudes like “The real enemy lies within” and “Love is our greatest weapon.”

So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that, this morning, the Avengers found themselves on the brink of defeat in the final battle against the enemy. It also shouldn’t come as a surprise that, at the exact same time, Hulk was scheduled for his latest therapy session.

But when Hulk arrived at the shrink’s, he was told his deductible had gone up by 37%. When Hulk demanded to know why, they said prices were skyrocketing due to the surge in demand for therapy that tends to accompany events like planetary invasions.

Ten minutes later, guess who came storming onto the scene of the final battle? Good ol’ Hulk! And let’s just say he didn’t come bearing platitudes. More miffed than he’s ever been before, Hulk went ballistic– mowing down the entire alien army all by himself.

At the post-battle press conference, reporters made it a point to revisit Hulk’s two now-infamous quotes: “Do you still believe that the enemy lies within?” one reporter asked.

“You’re damn right the enemy lies within,” Hulk responded. “WITHIN OUR BULLSHIT HEALTHCARE SYSTEM!“

“And does love remain our greatest weapon?” asked another reporter.

“Love will always be our greatest weapon,” Hulk assured her. “Good thing there’s nothing Hulk loves more than beating the brakes off his opps!”