For well over a year now, all us outsiders have been hearing about is how Metropolis is the gold standard of modern civilization. And that it’s all thanks to Superman who– after being elected the city’s first Chief Morality Enforcer three years ago– made it his sole mission in life to slash the city’s crime rate.

To be fair, Sups’ first two years in office were widely praised. Encouraged to tap into the full range of his Kryptonian powers– and all but christened by the government as the city’s judge, jury and executioner– Sups wasted no time tackling Metropolis’s biggest issues: Genocidal extraterrestrials. Nuclear warmongers. Sprawling crime syndicates.

But that was just the beginning. And once all the most pressing threats were put to rest, Sups turned his attention to more pedestrian concerns. Everyone was happy to see him crack down on the car jackers. Ditto for the purse snatchers. A healthy portion of the populous even accepted it when he took a hardline stance on the turnstile jumpers. 

But when Sups started rounding up the litter bugs and throwing them in the slammer by the thousands, well… that’s when everyone started to realize things were heading south. 

Pretty soon no one was safe. It didn’t matter if you were a jay walker. Or a bed tag ripper. Or a library nap taker. If you broke the tiniest law, bent the flimsiest rule, slipped up on the slightest social more– Sups was gonna find out and Sups was gonna make you pay!

The shit officially hit the fan six months ago, when Sups swooped into a 7-11 and apprehended a 3-year-old boy as he attempted to pocket a Snickers. After reciting Title 12, Sections 901-907 of the Metropolis Constitution to the toddler word for word, Sups turned him over to authorities with a recommendation of two years in the Luthor Juvenile Detention Center for Scumbags.

After that day, the crime rate hit ZERO.

And it hasn’t risen since.

But while the national media was telling us that Metropolis had officially become the first utopia since Eden– the people who actually pay taxes there were living a Quasi-Orwellian nightmare. Life under Sups’ All Seeing Eye meant living in constant fear and anxiety– which ultimately led to what can only be described as a city-wide state of depression.

So you can see why yesterday, when it came time for the people to hit the polls– they voted overwhelmingly to end Sups’ reign.

As of this writing, Metropolis has proudly reinvented itself as a hedonist’s paradise. With government officials temporarily suspending 99% of all laws and postponing the appointment of a new Morality Enforcer indefinitely, the vibe around the city is pretty much ‘Vegas on Fentanyl’– where everyone who suffered under Sups is now free to get all that pent up debauchery out of their system. 

And its not just the stay-at-home moms and 9-5 dads showing up to the party– the city’s most infamous villains are getting in on the action, too! Unlike in year’s past, when the mere mention of a Superman-less city would’ve had every evildoer within earshot committing unspeakable acts of terror, all these hooligans want to do is let their hair down. Perhaps Darkseid– tyrannical god and proud destroyer of entire planets– said it best: “Dude… we just came here to turn up”. 

For what it’s worth, not everyone in Metropolis is happy about Superman’s ouster. Clark Kent, a journalist for the Daily Planet, posted a scathing thread on Twitter reprimanding citizens for the way they voted and the “deplorable behavior” that’s followed.

Metropolis citizens responded by flooding Mr. Kent’s comments with videos of Lois Lane twerking on Brainiac at Club Luthor.